For gay men, dating can be confounding, fun, time-consuming, exciting, nerve-wracking, serious — and sometimes even successful.
In his book “The Mandates: 25 Real Rules for Successful Gay Dating,” pop culture commentator Dave Singleton highlights both the funny and serious sides of gay dating.
“I wanted to write something funny because dating is funny,” says Singleton, a self-described reformed serial monogamist. “But I also wanted to include the serious with some of the very poignant stories I heard.
Using first-person accounts from interviews with 175 men around the country, the author put together a set of guidelines to help readers negotiate the man-to-man minefield.
“I wanted to know what other guys were doing,” he says. “I saw that we are spending a lot more time on this than we like to admit.”
Obstacles to successful dating include a lack of gay dating role models, the focus on youth and beauty among men, the male ego and a lack of matchmaking between gay men.
Singleton uses clear, concise and sometimes cutting language to guide guys through dating. That includes what he calls the social A.D.D. of urban gay men in which heads continuously turn from the abundance of potential dates and “the next best thing” around the corner.
The advice in “Mandates” is accessible to guys at all stages of dating. Some of the rules are elementary and obvious: Mandate #1: Following Rules of Body Language; Mandate #14: Hit on Someone Your Own Size; and Mandate #22: Be True to Your Own Standards.
But others may prove useful even to experienced players: Mandate #11: No One Ever Learned to Love Anyone, Ever … Move On; and Mandate #15: Meeting His Friends: The Ultimate Corporate Merger.
Other useful tips include how to gauge a CD collection or medicine chest and how to type a potential date in the first five minutes of conversation.
“What Catholic priests have known for years, only on the rarest occasion does any confession last longer than five minutes,” Singleton writes.
There are also tidbits on what not to say in the first six months; how to weigh “heinous” versus “forgivable” dating sins; and how to broach the subject of monogamy.
Some guys might find Mandate #18 useful: Having an extra toothbrush, spare contact lens case and two articles of his clothing at your home are good indicators that you have graduated to boyfriend status.
The author lays out pickup lines that should be avoided at all costs and offers advice on cyber dating that includes how to build the perfect online profile.
Singleton also types modern gay men — like Boy Next Door and Billy the Gay Clone Doll — and writes a good deal about a new anomaly in the gay dating world, what he dubs the Otherwise Straight Guy. For guys who have trouble separating tricks from potential relationships, Singleton also explains the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now.
“Mandates” also tackles prickly topics such as sex on the first date (Singleton’s advice: “Don’t. Unless you’re in a foreign country and one of you is leaving the next day), what constitutes a real date versus “sex dates,” and drug and alcohol use by a potential partner.
The author acknowledges that gay dating is different from straight dating (“Don’t Try to be Ozzie and Harriet — Even Ozzie and Harriet Weren’t Ozzie and Harriet”).
Singleton wraps up his pointers with a handy self-test for gauging mastery of “The Mandates,” as well as “16 Great Things About Not Dating Someone of the Opposite Sex” and a primer on the “Do’s and Don’ts” of gay dating.
Intermingling true stories and sound advice, the author pulls together a fun and forthright guidebook for any man diving into the deep end of the gay dating pool.
By Bryan Suber
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Friday, September 21, 2007
Concept of Vision
What is Vision?
Vision is a process in which you develop a clear image in your mind of where you’re headed in your life. It acts as a guidepost, providing you with direction as you make efforts to meet your desired goals. It helps to keep you on track and stay clear in your thinking. It can also be motivating and be a good source of tracking for accountability and measuring progress toward your goal. It requires a lot of self-awareness and knowledge; you must know what your needs are specifically and the skills necessary to achieve your successful outcome.
Vision and the Boyfriend Quest
The concept of vision is not a new one. When you contemplate your future in terms of vocation, money, or health, you are applying principles of vision to guide you. Our society does little to train us on how to date healthily, particularly as gay men. Applying vision to the type of man and relationship you’d like to be in can go a long way toward putting a sense of control back in your dating life again. If we put as much energy into developing a vivid image of our intimate relationships as we do with career decision-making, for example, a lot less floundering will occur in the dating world because our relationship choices will be in alignment with our actual needs. We will be less apt to put ourselves in situations or become involved with men who are not in keeping with our needs and values as a result.
Vision is a process in which you develop a clear image in your mind of where you’re headed in your life. It acts as a guidepost, providing you with direction as you make efforts to meet your desired goals. It helps to keep you on track and stay clear in your thinking. It can also be motivating and be a good source of tracking for accountability and measuring progress toward your goal. It requires a lot of self-awareness and knowledge; you must know what your needs are specifically and the skills necessary to achieve your successful outcome.
Vision and the Boyfriend Quest
The concept of vision is not a new one. When you contemplate your future in terms of vocation, money, or health, you are applying principles of vision to guide you. Our society does little to train us on how to date healthily, particularly as gay men. Applying vision to the type of man and relationship you’d like to be in can go a long way toward putting a sense of control back in your dating life again. If we put as much energy into developing a vivid image of our intimate relationships as we do with career decision-making, for example, a lot less floundering will occur in the dating world because our relationship choices will be in alignment with our actual needs. We will be less apt to put ourselves in situations or become involved with men who are not in keeping with our needs and values as a result.
Friday, September 7, 2007
How can I be confident when it’s obvious most guys are better looking than me?
I have a friend who is approaching 50 in age, and who's not exactly "dashingly handsome." He's not ugly, but it's obvious that he's not a male supermodel either.
One of the things he loves to do is tell men that they're probably not used to getting attention from unusually good-looking guys like himself... and they eat it up.
Imagine this: An average guy who's almost 50 years old walking up to a beautiful man in her 20s, and then telling HER that she's probably not used to getting this kind of attention from attractive guys like himself. It's fantastic.
In marketing, there's a concept called "bragging about your weakness." When you openly talk and joke about something like this, and even talk about it as if it were a huge strength, people love it.
Remember the old Avis slogan "Avis is only No. 2, so we try harder"?It’s all about your MINDSET… Fix that, and the rest will follow.
One of the things he loves to do is tell men that they're probably not used to getting attention from unusually good-looking guys like himself... and they eat it up.
Imagine this: An average guy who's almost 50 years old walking up to a beautiful man in her 20s, and then telling HER that she's probably not used to getting this kind of attention from attractive guys like himself. It's fantastic.
In marketing, there's a concept called "bragging about your weakness." When you openly talk and joke about something like this, and even talk about it as if it were a huge strength, people love it.
Remember the old Avis slogan "Avis is only No. 2, so we try harder"?It’s all about your MINDSET… Fix that, and the rest will follow.
Those searching for gay masseurs & escorts
Please try http://www.gaymassagenow.com/ ... the #1 online gay masseur directory. There you will find masseurs and escorts from over 50 cities around the world. Quality massage therapists & professionals for you to search. And for free!
http://www.gaymassagenow.com/
http://www.gaymassagenow.com/
Gayquation.com blog is born!
Hey guys,
We are proud to announce our new blog for http://www.gayquation.com/! A matchmaking and dating service for gay men. Not your ordinary dating service.
We will be posting all kinds of dating advice, tips & more! Check us out regularly.
Welcome!
http://www.gayquation.com/
We are proud to announce our new blog for http://www.gayquation.com/! A matchmaking and dating service for gay men. Not your ordinary dating service.
We will be posting all kinds of dating advice, tips & more! Check us out regularly.
Welcome!
http://www.gayquation.com/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
